I desired (Istadim)

I desired to shed my blood for the sake of humanity,

But the executioner was found, though I still desired.

Whom should I show my loyalty to, I lamented day and night,

My love turned into ashes in the flame of faithfulness that I desired.

I didn't know that in this world, death is inevitable, Indeed,

I desired to live a long and prosperous life.

In the society that considers women as inferior,

I desired to be a powerful and influential person.

The secret of my love is like a precious gemstone,

I desired to reveal it to the world on the night of the full moon.

I couldn't find a mentor in the Sufi monastery,

I desired to be a drunkard at the doorstep of the saintly master.

Oh Navoiy, as I couldn't find a friend, in my sadness,

I desired to be trapped in the cage of poverty and helplessness.

The ghazal "Istadim" is a contemplative and introspective poem that explores the desires and yearnings of the speaker. The poem is written in Uzbek language and is composed of several couplets, each with its own distinct theme and mood.

The first couplet expresses the speaker's desire to leave a mark on the world before passing away, but despite their efforts, they feel that their existence is insignificant and futile.

In the second couplet, the speaker reflects on their own mortality and the inevitability of death. They ponder the concept of absolute truth and wonder whether it truly exists in the world.

The third couplet deals with the speaker's obsession with a particular person or entity, which they describe as their "true love". They express a desire to reveal the secrets of their love to the world, but they fear the consequences of doing so.

The fourth couplet is a reflection on the mysteries of the heart and the complexities of human emotions. The speaker expresses a desire to uncover the secrets of their own heart and to reveal them to the world.

In the fifth couplet, the speaker confesses their longing for spiritual enlightenment and guidance. They express a desire to find a mentor or spiritual leader who can help them achieve a deeper understanding of themselves and the world around them.

The final couplet is a plea to the poet Navoiy, who is regarded as one of the greatest literary figures in Uzbek history. The speaker confesses their own shortcomings and asks for guidance and inspiration from the great poet.

Overall, the poem is a deeply personal and introspective exploration of the speaker's desires, fears, and longings. The use of poetic devices such as repetition, rhyme, and imagery give the poem a musical quality, making it both a beautiful and thought-provoking piece of literature.